Denver International Airport SNAFU

September 12, 1995

Denver: I've flown into and out of the new Denver International Airport twice now, and haven't lost my baggage yet. However, the earnest young woman at the check-in counter this morning told me that the reason for my good fortune is simply that I wasn't flying United. It seems that United, alone, is using the much-criticized automated baggage-handling system, while the other airlines are using human beings to haul the suitcases back and forth.

Anyway, that's the good news. The bad news is that there are no hotels at this airport. No hotels!! What idiot came up with that plan? I arrived here jet-lagged and exhausted at 11:00 at night, and wondered why my taxi driver was accelerating to something approaching take-off velocity as we exited the perimeter of the airport. "No hotels here, boss," he chortled over his shoulder, as he adjusted his night-vision goggles. "You is way, way far away." Indeed so: I was $35 dollars away when he finally slowed to subsonic speed. The irony is that my hotel -- and apparently all the other ones used by travelers like me -- was located near the old Denver airport, the one that has now been shut down. Maybe it's their way of getting revenge.

One other note: take my advice and stay away from the hotel where my stalwart driver delivered me: the Stouffer Renaissance Hotel on Quebec Street. It's very chic and very modern, with a soaring atrium -- but they lost my room-service order for breakfast this morning. When I called to inquire whether the chickens were still engaged in manufacturing the eggs I had ordered and whether the kitchen was perhaps baking a fresh loaf of bread to produce the toast that I craved, there was a brief silence at the other end of the phone. Finally, the room-service waiter announced, in his best 'gotcha!' voice: "I don't have your order in my computer, sir."

But then, knowing full well that I would be thoroughly cowed by the fact that his computer didn't remember that I had called less than an hour ago, he took pity on me. "You have a real nice day now, sir!" he said cheerfully, and then hung up.

So much for Denver and its new airport. Next time I'll take the train.